The grass is greener on the other side

Is a bullshit statement/saying. You think multi-millionaires are crying themselves to sleep wishing they could live paycheck to paycheck and worrying if they can send their kids to college? I highly doubt it.

ESPN is definitely pulling their weight

In terms of advertising they really do have some sweet ones. I suppose the ones for Sports Center are the ones that are usually the more entertaining ones.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31UNBC24_Ug

Get off of Michael Vick's nuts

OK I'm not saying that I'm an advocate for cruelty to animals but honestly, the man has done his time and deserves a second chance. What really pisses is the irony of it all and just how people put dogs up on a pedestal as if they are more important than other animals. People are fine with the brutal mass slaughter of cows and pigs and chickens as long as they get their steaks and hot dogs and nuggets, but as soon as Lassie and Rin-tin-tin come under attack suddenly everyone's an activist. How the sheer level of hypocrisy has escaped so many people is beyond me. If Vick went to jail then was isn't the CEO of McDonald's and Burger King? Oh yeah I forgot the law has decided that animals that aren't widely considered as domesticated pets aren't important enough to protect. For some reason dog fighting is illegal but mass cow killing isn't. Maybe if Vick ate the dogs after they fought, people wouldn't be so upset.

Mayor McCheese

This is another nickname. I like cheese and everyone agrees that I should be mayor. Not necessarily of a city, but just of anything that needs to be mayored. If I was mayor things would be different. People could no longer say "ginormous" or send pictures of themselves or families as greeting cards. Also, whoever does the voice of the Juggernaut in those X-Men My Way videos on youtube would be my vice mayor because that guy has to be the funniest man alive.

Origin of "The Itis"

This is actually a nickname that not too many people outside of Fairfax, VA know about. I received this name because I am famous for eating a lot of shitty foods and then almost instantly passing out for hours and blowing off my friends. It actually became known as "pulling a Jeff" which actually was somewhat flattering for me. I suppose I wish that "pulling a Jeff" was the act of having sex with two chicks on a pile of cash, but I'll take what I can get. Anyway, "The Itis is a term that is usually associated with that feeling you get after you eat a lot of bad food. I am referring to the sleepy feeling not the feeling of a sick stomach and an overactive ass. As the story goes I started giving reasons as to why I could not do certain things was because I was suffering from "The Itis". After using this as an excuse several times, people started referring to me as "The Itis", and the name stuck. Well, at least in one county.

Gambling is the best addiction

I love it. Just last weekend I won like $350 sitting on my ass watching basketball. Then it got me thinking, gambling really is the best addiction. Whereas other addictions ruin lives and kill people everyday, gambling only brings happiness and lots of money. That is unless you lose, then I'm sure it's pretty lousy, but me, I'm a winner.

Can't watch soccer either

Pretty much just like hockey but on grass. It's about as exciting as watching paint dry. Nothing ever happens and there's only scoring in like 30 seconds of the game combined. I remember I was once talking to a buddy of mine who said he had gone to a soccer game and said he had fun. I replied "That's cool, what was the score" "0-0..." sounds pretty thrilling, doesn't it.