Too lazy to get a job? Sue someone!!!

In these times harsh economic times, it is sometimes hard for your average booze bingin', glue sniffin', Everybody Loves Raymond watchin' college student to get a job. On top of it actually being difficult to get a job, most of this demographic is also usually too stupid or lazy to either get a job or hold one assuming somehow they miraculously lie enough to land a job to begin with. So how is this lazy unmotivated group supposed to sustain themselves so they can continue to bring nothing to the table? The solution is simple; sue someone.

Next time you go into Best Buy, go into the stereo system, turn the volume all the way up, turn the power on and blow your ears out. Best Buy won't want bad publicity and will probably settle out of court for five figures. Auditory damage not your thing? How about trying to dive in front of an expensive looking car? Yeah this could leave you in worse shape than the stereo but assuming you do live through it you'll be set for life(as much as a life that a vegetable could have, but let's face it, your lifestyle probably isn't far off vegetable status now). If you're trying to keep yourself completely out of physical harm(pussy), get a friend to get a job at a local fast food restaurant. After they've worked there a few weeks, have them drop a dead mouse in the friar. Then when you're going to eat your fries you happen to find the fried mouse carcass in your food and sue. It would probably be nice to cut your friend in for 10% but it was your idea. Of course this plan involves getting an actual friend which most of the above probably don't have. Bottom line is that work is for suckers. Always try to think of ways to cut corners and cheat the system. Or steal...